I say, “Leave me, Lord!” God says, “Do not be afraid!” Lk 5
There is this musical called, ‘The Witness’ by Jimmy & Carol Owens. It is a musical which narrates the life and ministry of Jesus as witnessed by the apostle Peter. Early in the narration Peter sings:
Nothin’ ever happens here in Galilee,
You just follow in the footsteps of your family.
Be a fisherman like people say you’re meant to be,
Go down to the boat| Throw your net in the sea|
Take your turn at the car| Hoist the sail|
Mend the net| Clean the fish|
Cut the bait |Ya da dum| Da da dee|
Oh| Nothin’ ever happens to me|
Then Jesus came and all of our lives were changed.
A few years back, in an attempt to define prayer, I said, “Prayer is becoming aware of who I am in the presence of God.” However later on refined my definition: Prayer is a loving encounter between God and I in which I become aware of who I am.
This, I think, is the central theme of the Liturgy of the Word this Sunday. The First reading (from Isaiah 6:1-8) and the Gospel text (Luke 5:1-11) describe to us the encounter of two individuals with God, and what happens to them in that encounter.
An encounter with God
In the Gospel text of today, God in Jesus encounters Simon in the place of his work. Jesus often meets us where we are, just as he encountered Zacchaeus on top of a tree (Lk 19), the Samaritan woman at the well (Jn 4), and Cleopa and his companion on the road (Lk 24).
Placing ourselves in the shoes of Simon; Perhaps this is how Simon’s version of the story could go: I had gone fishing with my brothers and cousins in the wee hours of the morning. We come to shore around eight in the morning, with our boats empty. A disappointing experience, but quite normal for us fishermen. We take our nets to clean and dry them up and get them ready for use the next night. Meanwhile, there is this carpenter from Nazareth who has become a popular preacher in our villages, he wants to use our boats. We let him use them. He preaches. I am hardly interested in what he says. He has finished preaching and we have finished washing our nets. He says good-bye to the people. He looks at me and says, “Put out into the deep!” What does he mean? Is he talking about fishing? After all, he is only a carpenter. Or is he meaning something else?
Perhaps he is just preaching to me: “Simon, get deeper into yourself?” But he continues: “Pay out your nets for a catch!” After all, he wants us go fishing. Is he serious? We have worked hard all night long and caught nothing… I know this time of the year is like this. And we can’t go fishing at 12 noon! But I shall pay out the nets, just to prove him wrong. Some of the people in our village have taken up to fancy this guy. May be it will be a lesson for them not to waste his time with this gentleman from Nazareth!
What follows then, my dear friends, is a theophany: a revelation of God. A great catch of fish at an untimely hour. The fisherman knows what it implies. This is not a coincidence. It is a miracle. Miracles are signs. After all this is not just a Carpenter. He is divine! This experience shakes up Simon. God overwhelms him.
It is not different from the God-experience of other men in the Old Testament. Abraham encounters God several times (Gen 12:7-9; Gen 18:1-33). Jacob encounters God in the wilderness (Gen 28:11-18) and in his wrestling with the ‘angel’/God (Gen 32:25-32). Moses encounters God in the burning bush (Ex 3:1-6), and again on the mountain (Ex 33:18-34:35).
In the first reading of today (Is 6:1-8) we heard the narration of the encounter between the Lord God and the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah insists that this experience was historical with his reference to the year (Is 6:1): “In the year of King Uzziah’s death I saw the Lord God…” The revelation of God to Isaiah was as “The Holy, Holy, Holy…” The fullness of holiness!
Self awareness, acceptance and alchemy
The consistent reaction to all these encounters with God on the part of the human person is one of AWE! The fear of the Lord! A sense of surrender to the Ultimate Other! Faced with the Shekhinah of the Lord (the glory of the dwelling of God), Isaiah cries out, “What a wretched state I am in! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips…” Faced with that overwhelming presence of God in the person of Jesus, Simon blurts out, “Leave me, Lord; I am a sinful man.” (You are mightier than me. Your awesome presence overwhelms me. Your presence demands something from me. And I am not ready. Not yet.)
The experience of God reveals to me my own ‘creaturely-ness’. My hidden weaknesses are brought to light. And I am tempted to shy away from that light.
St Teresa of Avila, in her classical work, The Interior Castle, speaks about growth in contemplation in seven stages like the seven mansions of a castle. As we climb up the castle of our interior life what we come across at the first mansion is self-knowledge in prayer and contemplation. According to her, this knowledge leaves us with a deep sense of humility.
This is not the end of the journey though, but only the beginning. I would like to add that, in dealing with myself God takes me through three stages:
1. There is self-awareness: due to the action of the Grace of God in me I begin to see who I am in the depth of my being. There are many ways of knowing myself – through psychology, for instance. There is a whole battery of tests that you can take to know what type of personality you are, and what psychological disorders you suffer from. These are still very peripheral. The self-knowledge that is possible in an encounter with God is deep. It is about the core of my self – in terms of your intentions, feelings and tendencies. This knowledge is direct and undeniable. This self-knowledge calls for humility, yes! But not discouragement and depression, because I can hear God telling me, “Do not be afraid. I am with you. I am going to make someone out of you.”
2. The stage of self-awareness then leads me to a stage of self-acceptance. Grace of God gives me the strength to own up my true self. This is what we hear from St Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians (15:9) as we heard it in our 2ndreading: “For I am the least of the apostles and am not really fit to be called an apostle…
3. Grace then leads me from the stage of self-acceptance to a stage of alchemy – transformation of a lower element to a higher element. At this level, Abram becomes Abraham (Gen 17:5). Jacob becomes Israel (Gen 32:29). Saul becomes Paul (Acts 13:9). And Simon becomes Peter (Lk 5:8; Mt 16:18). This transformation in prayer is not like a New Year resolution. But it is a conversion. A metanoia! Again we hear St Paul telling us in the 2ndreading (1Cor 15:10): “…but what I am now, I am through the grace of God, and the grace which was given to me has not been wasted. Indeed, I have worked harder than all the others — not I, but the grace of God which is with me.”
In the musical, The Witness, Peter continues to sing:
Who says, Nothin’ ever happens here in Galilee?
These sleepy little villages beside the sea.
Comes a Man of God to tell us what we’re meant to be.
He’s lovin’ us, healin’ us and settin’ us free
Oh finally it’s happened to me!
Fr. Franco Pereira, S.D.B.